I have hit the 12+ year mark without consuming any alcohol – zero alcohol. Is it time to say that I have quit drinking? It’s still something I never say. Or do I just say I don’t drink alcohol? 12 years does seem like a long time ago. Periodically like another lifetime. Many good memories in there for sure, as well. I may take this for granted now. To be able to sit at the bar with friends while drinking a water or soda pop as we have a chat and good time. If that’s a struggle for you on this part of your journey, definitely do not go into the bar or crack house right now. The decisions made. We all have different triggers and levels of being comfortable before just saying fuck it. The alcohol though, man, my body could no longer handle that stuff. It told me. Our body tells us information. Do we listen? The alcohol does not serve me. We are alive, we will experience pain. That is unavoidable. There is no escape. We can make the choice about how much we suffer. Think about that. We must let ourselves feel.
To those struggling, it is Ok to replace the drink with something else. Something positive. We are all addicted to something, how about making it a positive one. Others are going to judge it. Remember that. Don’t worry. Some of this is human nature of the unknown, some is just jealousy or hating their own life. What I’m working on getting better at is – Do not react. We don’t need to react to so much stuff. Take a breath, sometimes that’s enough. Other situations need some time. I can be very reactionary – I see that and I am working on that. Why am I reacting so strongly to this? We don’t need to react. If there’s a lion running towards you, then you probably need to react. Our nervous systems have been so jacked up these past few years. Have your safe space. Just fucking breathe!
I’ve always strived to be my best and lead from the heart. There were detours along the way. Dumb mistakes, distraction, health challenges, loss, and timing. I am an ambitious, passionate person. While I am working on several things, my duty and pursuit, behind the scenes as well. Every task doesn’t need to be announced, with all the cynics, judgemental Judy’s, and haters out there. Just a tip, sometimes we are best keeping it to ourselves until it’s ready to be released. Realize that some of the unwarranted recommendations from others is because they don’t actually know everything about a situation you are involved in. So take it with a grain of salt! (As I make a recommendation, Haha) Awareness or the lack thereof. Very basic here, you don’t know what’s below the tip of the iceberg and what’s going on with a certain person, so be KIND. And well, if you are attacked, then a “fuck off” may be warranted. But maybe just no reaction at all will do the deed. Keep your eyes on the prize.
Don’t worry about what others think. I’m still working on that one. Because it does get to me at times, especially when you know things said are untrue or coming from the wrong place. It is some type of trigger lesson for me to go further into fuck whatever they say, because they don’t actually know. They really may have no idea. Who knows what they are thinking. They don’t know. Let it go! The jumping to conclusions and judgement in some (spiritual) communities at times is also quite bizarre and perplexing. But who am I to judge! Plenty of awesomeness with the right ones keep us on a favorable wavelength.
I’m also the heaviest I’ve ever been. They can look at me and say whatever. But best believe I’ve been beating myself up about this one. What am I OK to accept of myself and what will I not accept? Do something about it. And there’s that part of me that needs to show some self-love again. It will get better. And yeah, I know I’m still a sexy beast. Baby steps!
On the flip, I also have to share some stuff with you. Because what are we if we don’t share. And I know there are a lot of you out there that are on my team. We are rooting for each other to shine. If sharing a certain thing can help someone out in that day, well then that is a huge deal. You know the little things sometimes go a long way. Getting through a rough day, healing the body or the mind or a relationship to a person or substance. Inspiration to keep on pushing for that big goal, or just for a good vibe. There are a lot of good things going on out there. There are many people that also could use some help or a boost right now in numerous situations. I wish the best for all of you.
Also there are many of you reading that I may not see or communicate with for a long time because “life gets busy”. Just know that you enter my mind, and I do think of many of you. Many times that brings a smile to my face or a tear to my eye. Much Love!
When I lay down at night I usually feel an excitement for the next day because I have an optimism, hope, and faith that it is going to be a good day. Many times it is not. But I still hit the pillow with that feeling. And I know that is a good omen when in the present moment. Knowing there is good in the future of me and society. I don’t need to get into all the negative stuff in this post, there is plenty of it. When you have the great day, it is all worth it.
I miss my Dad a lot on this point of the journey in the physical earth realm. His kind loving heart. At our boxing and fighting events around Miami and beyond. I think of how pumped up and proud he would be. To be there supporting us, motivating us, and having fun. Or to see me up on the rock, climbing upwards. Shouting encouragement. I can hear him yelling his classic “Let’s Go Kehoe (Keo)!” or using one of his other 30 nicknames he had for me. I know he is watching from above and feel his presence very much. The mind hits that part where I feel like I’m letting him down occasionally, because I’m not doing enough. That hurts. And then I press on. My Dad did so many amazing things for so many people in life. How do I live up to that? Then I know he was always about me creating my own way, my own path, and we all need help with things along the way. So much of what I have inside is from him and mom, along with my brother, and the amazing love and teaching of my Mom & Dad through the years. Encouragement! Pass it on.
So 12+ years with no alcohol is an accomplishment and writing this makes me realize that. Because at this point it is the norm and I don’t think of it as a big deal. Not to say there are not triggers that come along. Those triggers allow me to learn more about myself, and possibly better myself. Many emotions are involved from day to day. For us all. I prefer not to suppress them, because the emotions just get lodged inside the body somewhere or come out later in an unpredictable manner.
The further I grow and learn here. A strength of mine is resilience. I have much knowledge. I work on being a person of action. Which I think I am pretty good at. But I keep seeing how many flaws I have. It’s like, man I am really doing some good things and growing. But then I see really I have so many flaws. I disappoint myself often. I know I am (human). I am probably most judgmental on my self sometimes. I expect the excellence of myself. So to that I then say, If I am treating myself unkindly like that in a certain moment – would you be friends with someone that treated you like that? No, I would not. So don’t be so hard on myself. I know a lot of you feel this one. Ease up, don’t be so hard on yourself. We are worthy of our own love. Self-love one of the major ideals along this journey. I am a beautiful, flawed human that makes mistakes. I can do some pretty awesome things as well. It’s OK, we can do our best. Again, don’t be so hard on yourself and your loved ones. It’s OK to feel the negative, pain or suffering. It’s a requirement. It can push us toward positive healing ways and opportunity.
I have the confidence in myself to go after, try, do, take action, and achieve. I know there is greatness and the creation within. Maybe knowing that I have many flaws, along with the excellence keeps me grounded, in a positive way. But unchecked can veer into negative. Writing this has been therapeutic for me and if by reading this I can help one person out today, then I am happy.
At this moment in time I am working on multiple endeavors, business-wise and health-wise. Maybe too many things at once. Yet still feel like I’m not doing enough. Maybe that’s my ambitious, curious, striving nature. Just because you can’t see what a person is doing in person, doesn’t mean you actually have any idea of all the work they are putting in. I am going to do some time-blocking more specifically along with other organizational skills and ideas. Working through some health challenges is a priority for this all to keep moving forward. Sometimes it’s 1 step forward, 2 steps back, that is how progress works sometimes. It seems like 24 hours in a day isn’t enough to get all this done occasionally. But we all have the same amount, right. In all of this, there is the part of getting enough rest and proper sleep. Highly significant. Periodically it can be a lot of rest is needed. Which can get frustrating, but just ease up and flow with it. Health is wealth. What does the body feel?
I’ve made and I still make mistakes. Sometimes simple. Others may or may not forgive. I forgive myself. Looking back at some bad shit that I’ve said and done while on the substances, or while sober that still sometimes disgusts me. I must forgive myself. A lot of that wasn’t even me. You feel me. Hey you! Forgive yourself. And then be better. I’ll probably fuck something up this week. Nate, you knucklehead. Learning. Ok, breathe, it’s OK, forgive yourself.
To end it today, for anybody who doesn’t really know the full stream of what I’m going through (which is how it works for many of us here), and you want to say something about me that is actually bogus. You can politely, go fuck off. Fuck right off and then check yourself in the mirror. With Love of course! 😉 I don’t hold a grudge on that either. I have fucked up enough things to know that forgiveness is the way. But I don’t need to waste energy on the rashness, because it’s complete BS manufactured in another’s own mind and perceptions or avoidance mechanisms.
To my peeps and the others, thanks for sticking with me and rooting me on. We have a lot in common. Raise the vibe of the tribe. Very simple for me, what I want of my friends, family, colleagues, patients, clients, and overall good humanoids – I am most definitely rooting for you to WIN! And find what you are seeking. Be filled with love. Healing path I’m on, healing path continues. Ride on! Shine on! With much gratitude and thanks. Cherish the moment. Smile at someone today.
Love, Nate
“Ice” “Doc” <3
p.s. Embrace in the Hug a little bit longer!
December 2024
“Stay True, Be You” ~Dr. Nate
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